It has been four days since I first stepped into the Common Room, and since then I have exceeded my recommended daily intake of sugar and caffeine substantially. After some procrastinating from having a fried brain, I have concluded that all people in here fall under one category or another. So as I wash down my coffee with some knock-off Red Bull (can’t afford the real one at this point), and attempt to keep my brain functioning regardless of the lack of sleep, I have decided to share these with you.
The Caffeine Junkie (guilty as charged)
You’ll find these hidden behind bastions built out of cans and coffee cups. They’ll probably have their own thermos mug which they’ll refill from the kettle every 10 minutes. Rumour has it, their hysteria-induced tears are 99.9% caffeine. The remaining 0.01% being dignity. Falling into this category are the elite which afford to buy coffee from the machine downstairs, choosing the privileged ‘from beans’ option. Twats.
My own beautiful desk.
The Picnickers (roll with it)
These people come armed with duffle bags full of snacks, microwavable meals, and appliances. I have witnessed someone drag a Dolce Gusto coffee machine out of her bag today and make coffee (and ice-tea) for her friends. The silent barista the Common Room needs. I salute her. These people will fill their table to resemble an inventory of the things my nannu offers me within five minutes of entering his house, leaving a few square inches for their notes.
The Chainsmokers (low-key shoutout)
In between a flurry of notes, these people head out (in groups) to smoke. You only know it’s them because they will inevitably be asking around for a filter, a lighter, etc. with the infamous call of ‘ghandek filter boss?’ . They reappear after about ten minutes, sit down, and start looking for a filter again.
The Loud Ones
We all know them. We all hate them. Enough said. The occasional bout of talking is fine, but these people constantly chatter. Loudly.
The Actual Workers
These brave souls actually come here to work, and settle down with head phones and enough paper to deforest the Amazon. I do admire them for their sheer determination and concentration. Unfortunately, not much satirical content can be found about these guys (and gals – equality yo).
Our Feline Friend
Not really human, but quintessential. There to help us procrastinate, this cat will be found on any flat surface, or walking around to find one. Deep down, we are all jealous of this cat, because it gets to sleep, while we deal with exhaustion.
Not quite Gigi, but pretty damn ginger.
Shout out to KSU for giving us a space to gather in stress, and suffer as one. Now to make myself another coffee.