A Political New Year

For all those who’ve missed the Prime Minister’s new year message, I applaud you. For those who want a vivid description of it, here’s a recap:

Starting off with the most awkward, ill-performed rock-spoken word mash up of the national anthem, I could not help but feel my national pride being touched. The Labour administration then seemed to remember their socialist roots for a moment and popped in a couple of clips of some people at work, ‘għat-tgħoma ta’. JM then claims that our nation is heading in the right direction, tongue-in-cheek delusion from the start I see. JM now heads this (satirical, it must be) video in the direction of the sham they have made out of Malta’s EU presidency. He then says, that as a whole, united nation (he’s trying bless him), we should be proud of what we have done in this respect. Myself, I am particularly proud of misspelled billboards, it truly makes me want to fly the white and red.

JM seems to be the master of oxymorons (emphasis on the latter two syllables), when he states that we should be level-headed, but seems to insinuate that he is able to pull Europe out of the creek it finds itself in, just as he did Malta, of course, all hail. He then gives a very politically correct version of the term ‘Small island, big balls’.

Cut to scenes of terrorism and dramatic music. From Syria, to Berlin, to two ‘hijackers’ holding rubber guns being hauled away by what I believe is the entirety of our armed forces. JM then shows how anti-establishment he is by showing clips of Brexit and Trump, which he seems to be condoning. Cue to a dramatic montage of JM shaking hands with Heads of Governments, he introduces a project called Reunion, aimed to reunite Europe, but sounding more like the party a group of divorcees attend to meet their old classmates and reminisce about the times when they still had a full head of hair.

While trying to play on the people’s patriotism, we are shown more clips of people at work. The people chosen for these clips conveniently have the same job satisfaction as smurfs. JM gives the most underhanded slight to the PN while attempting to blurt out as many of his projects as humanly possible in 15 seconds. JM now reads a speech about more things he has done, and says he has substantially increased the minimum wage, with a COLA of 1.75 euros a week, how can one not possibly see this?

JM now seems to give us his New Year’s resolutions, not to slip up as much as he did in 2016, something many would think to be fairly simple, just don’t open any more accounts in Panama and keep your cabinet from overspending and stealing money. A prerequisite to governing…no? Another last minute attempt by JM to unite the Maltese people and rally them in his favour is, at best, mediocre.

It’s back! We get to witness the mash up of our National Anthem again, as if Joseph personally wanted to trample it. This is the political equivalent of repeating yourself in a pesky assignment when it’s 4AM and you’ve been trying unsuccessfully to reach the word count for the past two hours.

2016 has been a horrible year for Maltese politics, and 2017 will be even worse. The Malta Labour Party…oops they’ve rebranded haven’t they? The Partit Laburista is the equivalent of a homeless man in a Hugo Boss suit and nice haircut. Very nice from afar, but horribly out of place. Scandals are still being unearthed and no one knows (I doubt even they do) the extent of their corruption.

Meanwhile the Nationalists are up a creek without a paddle, or a raft, or even straw to cling onto. While Simon is a lovely guy to sit down and have a coffee with, he is not fit to move the party forward. He lacks the gravitas and charismatic pull that a leader needs to have to pull a party out of the cesspit the PN is in (refer to EFA). This being said, the PN do not have anyone who I personally consider eligible to lead the party; with my favourite candidate for the leadership recently giving birth, I really do wish to see her heading the party (We love you Roberta).

Marlene Farrugia’s political party turned coffee morning was everything we wished for, but it turned out to be nothing more than a domestic in the Farrugia household, with no traction or political motif whatsoever. AD still linger somewhere in the background, like that one guy you meet at Paceville and have a drink with, but never, ever communicate with him in broad daylight. With the election looming over us (rumoured to be in the latter months of this year) I find myself completely lost with no party which I sincerely believe fit to lead. Happy New Year and may all propoganda be as hilarious as this video


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